Thursday, June 05, 2008

Panties on the head

Today Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) delivered a comic masterpiece on the abuse of prisoners by American soldiers:

I mean, this wasn't -- we're not even talking about really -- well, maybe this would be -- maybe putting panties on somebody's head would be considered torture by someone.


Except -- except when it came down to putting panties on the head of some guy who was actually engaged in the conspiracy to kill all these Americans, the FBI again decided that they were holier than thou...

Ha ha! What a card! Let's hear some more:

Let's go through some of those other abusive things, then. Panties on the head. What are some of the others?

Yes, what are some of these other fraternity hijinx inflicted on prisoners? Let's go to the Taguba Report:

6. (S) I find that the intentional abuse of detainees by military police personnel included the following acts:

a. (S) Punching, slapping, and kicking detainees; jumping on their naked feet;

b. (S) Videotaping and photographing naked male and female detainees;

c. (S) Forcibly arranging detainees in various sexually explicit positions for photographing;

d. (S) Forcing detainees to remove their clothing and keeping them naked for several days at a time;

e. (S) Forcing naked male detainees to wear women’s underwear;

f. (S) Forcing groups of male detainees to masturbate themselves while being photographed and videotaped;

g. (S) Arranging naked male detainees in a pile and then jumping on them;

h. (S) Positioning a naked detainee on a MRE Box, with a sandbag on his head, and attaching wires to his fingers, toes, and penis to simulate electric torture;

i. (S) Writing “I am a Rapest” (sic) on the leg of a detainee alleged to have forcibly raped a 15-year old fellow detainee, and then photographing him naked;

j. (S) Placing a dog chain or strap around a naked detainee’s neck and having a female Soldier pose for a picture;

k. (S) A male MP guard having sex with a female detainee;

l. (S) Using military working dogs (without muzzles) to intimidate and frighten detainees, and in at least one case biting and severely injuring a detainee;

m. (S) Taking photographs of dead Iraqi detainees.

Is that all? Seems kind of tame. Wait, there's more!

a. (U) Breaking chemical lights and pouring the phosphoric liquid on detainees;

b. (U) Threatening detainees with a charged 9mm pistol;

c. (U) Pouring cold water on naked detainees;

d. (U) Beating detainees with a broom handle and a chair;

e. (U) Threatening male detainees with rape;

f. (U) Allowing a military police guard to stitch the wound of a detainee who was injured after being slammed against the wall in his cell;

g. (U) Sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broom stick.

h. (U) Using military working dogs to frighten and intimidate detainees with threats of attack, and in one instance actually biting a detainee.

And at Guantanamo:

In another incident, it said, a female interrogator reportedly bent back an inmate's thumbs and squeezed his genitals as he grimaced in pain.

I remember back in my fraternity days, we used to constantly beat and sodomize each other with broomsticks... wait, what?


VforVirginia said...

Some guy at another blog said I should come over here and post fish puns, but after that I'm really not in the mood.


Maybe someday we'll get our reputation back.

Anonymous said...

True or false? During Thursday's hearing, Dana Rohrabacher uttered the word "panties" 35 times.
True. At one point he seemed to be arousing himself with the repetition.
False. He only said "panties" eight times. Still, that's may be a single-session record for a congressman saying "panties."

Find out the truth at

mdhatter said...

You know what tastes like freedom?

Broken chemical lights dripping down your cheeks.

Southern Beale said...

Is Rohrbacher one of those closeted, self-hating gay Republicans? Those guys really like panties!

Eli said...

I think you forgot the video.

"Son... you got a panty on yore haid."